The June 2013 issue of Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology reports that in a study of 953 couples, most want to disengage or meaningfully engage after a fight. Disengage is to leave the room or the house to avoid. Meaningful engage means to talk it out, what some call re-hash.
But which do I do? Individuals fully neglect which ones, can you guess it? It is obvious, engagement. Actively show investment, communication and affection; NOT an apology. Did you get that?
How often have we heard “I apologized, what does he/she expect!” Apologies are indeed helpful but “engagement” is rated first, then an apology second is what Masters do. Disasters on the other hand just keep fighting or disengage.
So, when should I disengage? Firstly, when there is a threat whether it is physical or emotional. Ones perceived safety always trumps communication. Secondly, blamefulness or criticism is a dead losing proposition. This is also a time when disengagement or differing is the best idea. Environment is a third criticism for disengagement. If children are present it would be wise to disengage.